HELLO DEAR FRIEND
Hi Dear Friend.
I learned about your situation from a mutual friend and the Lord put you on my heart….mostly because I was in a similar situation for many years. There is no need to go into detail, you know what I am talking about.
I know the loneliness, hopelessness, and even the guilt, (though you know you’re guiltless).
I remember not being able to watch romantic movies, read about happy couples, or look at pictures of happy families, without great pain. Before my hip replacement, I couldn’t watch people doing physical activities, because my hip would hurt just imagining doing that. It was the same with seeing happy couples….my heart would hurt.
I remember the solution I had in my mind, and the guilt that caused. It seemed so simple, in my desperation for myself and my children, to have the Lord take him, giving us the much needed peace we yearned for. But, even as I thought it, I knew that wouldn’t happen. Still, desperation was always there, and with it, guilt for having that very thought.
I remember each time I’d go somewhere, see an old friend, and catch up on news of our lives…..hearing her story of a successful and happy marriage, and (sometimes) pouring my heart out about mine….They will be honestly sympathetic, and it helps……for the moment, but then I’d go home, to the same thing, and think, “why even tell anyone, they can’t help.” It becomes harder and harder to go home after seeing others. I just buried myself in my work and never went anywhere unless absolutely necessary…..avoiding people at all costs. Do you feel like that sometimes? No one can help anyway.???
I wasn’t depressed in the clinical sense….and you probably aren’t either, but the pain is there, and the Lord knows it. He sees it, and He feels it with you.
Since I didn’t go to church very often anymore, although I was raised Catholic, I wasn’t approached by anyone about true Salvation. But the Lord came to me in my home, and filled me with the Holy Spirit, giving me a wonder about what it was about. I immediately developed a hunger for the Word, and learned about Salvation by accepting Jesus Christ as my Saviour, and more, I learned about making Him the Lord of my life……my EVERYTHING!!!!
As I gave Him every part of my life,….my sins, weaknesses, happy times, sad times, sorrows, joys, loves, hates….and asked Him daily to mold me to His image of what He wants me to be, I knew Him better each day.
He became more and more real to me, and I could lean on Him more and more each day.
He knew what I was going through, and He knew my pain. As I learned to speak to Him in my mind and spirit, I began to change in my attitude toward my situation. I was no longer alone. I was no longer abandoned, abused, and eventually, my self esteem no longer depended upon what my husband said.
I knew about the dangers of verbal abuse. I thought I had steeled myself against the self image problems and complications that I knew came with my type of situation. It wasn’t going to happen to ME!!!! But, I found out many years later, that it did. It is a poison, and even though we know that what they say about us isn’t true, still, the poison slowly gets through.
Eventually, many years later, the Lord got through to me that only HIS view of me counts.
This is important to remember for women in these situations:
YOU ARE NOT WHAT YOUR HUSBAND SAYS YOU ARE.
And, even though you could say that all day long, and believe it in your mind, the poison will wear you down.
ONLY THE LORD JESUS CHRIST can get that through to us, because it has to come through our spirits, not our minds.
Salvation awakens our dead spirits, allowing the Holy Spirit to communicate with our spirits, and move on to our minds, as we “put on the mind of Christ” as the Word tells us to. The more we read God’s Word, and spend personal time with Him, the more our minds will be able to absorb what our spirits are receiving from the Lord AFTER salvation.
I believe the revolutionary Biblical verse for your situation would be Isaiah 54:5, which says, “For thy Maker is thine husband; the Lord of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.” This verse became very real to me, as I pray it will to you.
EVERYTHING YOUR HUSBAND ISN’T, GOD IS. He’ll be everything for you….Your Lover,….He loves you like no man can….with a love that is beyond our imagination! Your Comforter….He knows how you feel inside….you need not explain it to Him like to a man, and He totally understands (very unlike a man! ). The Holy Spirit is called the Comforter, because He really is. He is your Provider…He will provide beyond your imagination…..maybe not material things, and maybe so, that’s up to Him, but, more importantly, He’ll give you your deepest necessities and joys that you never thought attainable.
It is just so important to submit totally to His will for your life and that of your family…..whether or not that means changing your husband.
DON’T FOCUS ON YOUR HUSBAND, FOCUS ON THE LORD!!!!
As you do that, God will be free to change the situation to line up with His will for all of your lives.
THERE IS NO SUBSTITUTION IN THE CHRISTIAN WALK FOR BEING TOTALLY SUBMITTED TO GOD’S WILL…whether or not, we agree with it.
LEAVE YOUR HUSBAND IN GOD’S HANDS….Whatever happens there is between him and the Lord. As you focus more and more on your relationship with God, you will know how to act, what to say, what to do in relation to your husband. You will see if He will use you or someone else to witness to him, do spiritual warfare, or whatever is God’s will, and when to do it, if He does use someone. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT…not only submission of your will and your life to the Lord, but that of your family as well.
It sounds easy, and in a sense it is, but change takes time, and remember, what it says in the Word, “My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”….Take off the yoke your husband has put on you, and put on the yoke of Jesus Christ….He’ll help you carry it…He’ll even carry it for you, if necessary. He knows your deepest thoughts and feelings. Give them to Him, and He will carry them gently….I know this!!!!! He has done it!
I love you, but the Lord loves you infinitely more!!!!
I will be praying for you and your family.
God’s greatest blessings, Sweet One!!!